A Thursday in the Life of Daniel Joseph Scully

DJ Scully
DJ@SmartassRadio.com
2/19/07

Somewhere between 9:00 AM and Noon
I wake up and compulsively check my various email accounts between 3 to 20 times each dependending on how much time I have. Then I scramble for food before class.

12:30-1:15 PM
Statistics for Business I. My teacher graduated from MIT and got his graduate degree from Columbia – clearly he is a learned man. He is also a massive, mumbling tool. As I sit in the back of the big room scrambling to keep up with my notes, I contemplate leaving school altogether. I’m never going to analyze standard deviation beyond looking at a graph.

1:15-3:30 PM
Try to figure out how to get booze so I can go to Screenwriting (my favorite class) buzzed.

3:30-6:20 PM
Sit through Screenwriting stone cold sober and contemplate leaving school altogether. My screenplay sucks.

6:20-8:00 PM
DJ: Hey Mike, the weekend is here; wanna get a twelvski?
Mike: Yeah… Blue Moon, Corona or Heineken?
DJ: Let’s get some Rollers, I don't need to taste it.

8:00 PM
Phone call from Pavel:
“Hey man, wanna take a shot before we go [to Libertarian Club]?”

9:00 PM
4 shots of vodka and 3 beers later, I find myself in a heated debate about whether or not firefighting should be privatized. I argue that yes, it should, because I’m sitting in the Libertarian Club, among (other) geniuses who don’t think I’m a complete lunatic.

10:00 PM
Leave campus with Libertarian Club and drink more vodka and talk about really insane shit. “Eventually we’ll have something like USB ports in our heads and we’ll be able to share and upload memories effectively making some people nearly identical personality-wise”. Yeah, like Total Recall.

Here’s where my night goes one of two ways.

If I’ve been drinking responsibly and I actually ate dinner at some point I will go to a bar filled with guido idiots and blonde girls who have never heard of the Beatles for an event known as Beat the Clock – until 11:30 I can drink beers for $.50 a piece.

If I’ve been drinking heavily and I haven’t eaten dinner (which means I’m getting pretty drunk) I will go to a bar filled with guido idiots and blonde girls who have never heard of the Beatles for an event known as Beat the Clock – until 11:30 I can drink beers for $.50 a piece.

We’ll call it 2:00 AM
I go to another bar I like much more to listen to either a rockin jukebox or a mediocre jam band and drink well drinks and domestic beer for way too much money.

3:45 AM
I buy an entire pizza.

4:00 AM
I can be seen eating an entire pizza while walking back to my room.

10:00 AM
Mike (who may or may not have accompanied me in my travels) leaves for breakfast.

10:15 AM
Phone call from Mike “Hey I’m at the liquor store, you want anything?”

Noon
It's noon and it's Friday.